Hello and Happy 2009! Being late as it is, I have the perfect chance instead of trying to write one of my papers for which I have a strict deadline to try to dedicate a few lines to the women of my life...starting from my awesome grandmother and ending to my facebook friends who I respect and admire.Today I realised how misunderstood women are. Of course, I knew that but I couldn't grasp the magnitude of this misunderstanding. And also realised how much we misunderstood men. Nothing particular happened it was more of an epiphany than of an apocalypse. I was listening to the endless problems and complaints that my friends face everyday. One cannot stand the winning anymore, the other has him blocked because she feels hurt, another is feeling her legs num from standing by the phone for 2 days now waiting for the damn thing to ring and another one is simply crying, drinking and eating chocolate. I have an endless list of activities cause by male neglection and indifference towards women. All of my friends are secretely dreaming of a man to come and rescue them from their misery a true male vaguely reminding us of Prince Charmng on his white stallion from our beloved fairy tales. Prince Charming... The Absolute Male....strong, confident, powerful, handsome, rich, educated a man on whom you can count to save you or at least one you would be able to share your problems with.
But there is no Prince Charming in our lives just ordinary males that shout at us, cheat on us (sex is the only thing on their mind) , wait on us to serve them, turn to us for solutions to their problems and on top of that keep arguing that they are powerful and they deserve to be the boss of us! What? How? Why? hahahaha!
My grandmother was a strong woman ... financially indepedent (in the year 1920!) very well-educated (she could speak 7 languages) who left her hometown Istanbul to return to Greece all by herself...she found land, she built a house and gave birth to 6 children after her marriage and once she had done all that she was left a widow and then started the race of survival during the WWII alone again with 4 daughters. She used to say "men are worthless but we need them" me, the grandaughter that bears her name, asks "why? why do we need them?" My mother hurried to a response "they protect you" "of what?"
My aunt (her first daughter) spend a life as a widow, as well, having lost her husband at the age of 42. Ok, I thought it's a Greek thing...
My teacher from Milan, Italy was eager to trade places with her husband and die in his place and my friends are despeartely hooked on them, why?....(friends from Turkey, Holland, Germany, UK).
The answer came to me in the form of 2 men.
The first one was my very own boyfriend. He shouted at me yesterday and since then I completely refused any diplomatic solution but his humble apology. The moment he called and asked whether I was feeling any better I felt light-headed and a smile was drawn on my face. "So cute that he thought of me" So cute? So cute? 20 hours ago he told me "shut up, you stupid girl" and I was ready to cut him into the smallest pieces possible by a butcher's knife and now so cute? It's not a matter of love, it's a matter of tenderness. The maternal instinct of mammals comes inevitably with a great need of tenderness and affection and when we receive it we can forgive and forget (well, not exactly forget but surely forgive).
The second one was one of my "old" students asking for my advice since his current girlfriend refused to talk to him on the phone and he was afraid she was going to break up with him. Another endless dead-end conversation about her and that she is tired and busy and she wants to get some sleep and not rumble on the phone for hours consolidating him. At the end I stated clearly that I wouldn't help him and that he should search by himself why she is like this. My declaration was followed by a "why don't you help me?" So much for the powerful men I thought and I went to hide to my "appear offline" in order to get some peace of mind.
There I was cursing my luck this evening when it hit me! They are not powerful, they are not strong...they are scared!
The male role consists of bringing money to their families and of keeping their women happy and satisfied in bed and protected outside. They were never supposed to bring up children, they were never supposed to support their wives/girlfriends psychologically, they were never supposed to offer solutions.
Along with women's emancipation they lost the money-earner's role and the role of the protector and they became just "stallions" in our bed. One psychological shock for them.
Along with women's advanced education they are asked to contribute solutions and understanding to a relationship. Second psychological shock.
Women tired of looking for Mr. Right, discovered the hunt of Mr. Right Now...and males are disposable stallions , interchangable, no more the hunters. Third psychological shock.
Now, add the fact that they never grow up (they all are living and breathing Peter Pans)...what do you get? Afraid people, loaded with psychological shocks not being able to define their role in a relationship. All we have to do now is wait for them to pull theirselves together...
C'mon with what maturity? Would you really expect maturity from Peter Pan? He is still somewhere out there looking for new games to play with Captain Hook or for the new Playstation to come out....
We are left with 2 choices then... One we wait for them to come around , endlessly explaining and tutoring them..Two we learn to close our ears and eyes and let the maternal educational instict to surface and treat them like children.
Our grandmothers chose choice number 2, what about us then? Well we definitely need to lower our expectations when hunting for the proper male for reproduction! (Stupid biological clock stop ticking! he's not here yet!) and make a grand decision...men will be our physical shelter (they give really great hugs) and our girl friends our psychological shelter (girl power all the way).
We will understand once and for all that Prince Charming is in fact Prince Whinning but it still feels great having found one you call your own.
Moreover, for our ego boost "we will always have facebook".....
Good night darling girls, I love you
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