ISTANBUL

"Istanbul is a very old city.", "Istanbul is a very big city.", "Istanbul is a touristic place."
The above sentences are the words of my Turkish students when I asked them to describe Istanbul. It's OK I thought then, their English is poor and made them say how they feel in Turkish so that I could teach them new vocabulary....unfortunately, my little "experiment" produced similar phrases with correct grammar!!!!
On my way home...(I live in Cihangir, a beautiful quiet place in Beyoglu area) I kept thinking..."these are Turkish people, resident currently in Istanbul and this is all they can produce???"
I am a Greek citizen from Thessaloniki who came to live in Istanbul in an attempt to brighten up my love life,since my significant other lives in Istanbul, and to enrich my academic status. At the beginning, I found Istanbul horrible...too much traffic (you can actually get stuck in a traffic jam for hours), too noisy, too dangerous for a girl alone at night (in the contrary of my hometown which is an excellent example of peace and quiet), too much behind in civilization (10-20 years behind) and filled with people who cannot compromise the temporary way of life with their own customs and religious beliefs....the result? the perfect chaotic city!!!!!!
I remembered my grandmother a true Greek-Istanbul citizen who always longed for another chance to live in this city again and I wanted to talk to her,to tell her that what she remembers is all false, that Thessaloniki is much more beautiful and "living-friendly".
And during my darling's army service, I dared to walk around this city cursing my bad luck for being alone in this chaos,speaking almost no Turkish, counting like a prisoner the days for his return.Then the miracle happened...I was swept off my feet, I was seduced, I was in love....
If you learn to ignore the chaos around you, you will discover a magical city brought back from the ancient times. A city that has experienced the ultimate glory of being the center of two different empires, the Byzantine and the Ottoman. A city that has been through so many changes that it is a wonder it is still standing on that very spot it was originally built thousands of years ago.
There are different smells breezing through the city..the smell of Bosporus and the Golden Horn,the smell of spices brought here from the mystical Orient while the same gentle breeze whispers into your ear the morning prayer coming from the mosques and the bells that ring happily in the churches both calling people to pay their respects to God.
How many people from different races,cultures,religions have lived within the walls of this city? How many other kingdoms have battled for this city in hope that they will conquer it one day? How many people have died trying to defend it? Thousands,millions...perhaps....I don't know.
But what I do know is that they weren't fighting for their empire, they were fighting for this city and for this city alone...
No other people were more hurt than the Greeks the day they "lost" it to the Ottomans...29th of May is still the "black day" in our calender and the year 1453 is still the subject of endless series of books and discussions about what went wrong. Well,nothing went wrong it was the decay of the Byzantine Empire and we were outnumbered by the Ottomans. The fall of the empire was something natural but the fall of the city...was unforgivable and unforgettable....
Istanbul is the "queen" of the cities just like Rome is the "eternal" city and it proves it everyday by showing to my foreigner's eyes how many beauties there are to see even though it has been my home for almost three years now....
I curse my luck even now for being here and I miss the comforting quiet of my hometown but deep down inside of me I know that the city stole a part of my heart and it will never return it. Wherever I go this piece will stay here...cruising along Bosporus and wondering around the seven hills...
Deep down inside me I know that I fell in love with this city, that I have the city's heart in my heart and I'll carry it around with me always....
"Yes, grandma you were right, I would love for another chance to live in this city,as well...but currently it is impossible just like it was for yourself"
So, in what state of mind did my students describe this city so poorly, so plainly? It was built, it was born for lyrical hymns not for bad quality English lacking imagination...me,as a foreigner, I can see that...why can't they?
Maybe they are too young, maybe they were stressed by their teacher's assignment but still they are inexcusable...
From now on I know that even though I'll go and live in the comfort of my "European" places, I will have my mind's eyes turned here and my imagination dropping by for a visit....
I blame that little piece of my heart that was stolen and was never returned.....

Love is not enough. It must be the foundation, the cornerstone - but not the complete structure. It is much too pliable, too yielding. Bette Davis

Love is a subject that has been most commented and thought upon by all kinds of people like teenagers,scientists and philosophers.
Everyone seems to think that love either exists and rules in gigantic proportions our lives or it is a mere illusion of our hormones and our humble human need of companionship.
What if it's neither of them, what if it's just a human feeling that comes and goes like hunger or thirst. We love someone because he/she looks very appealing, we crave for his/her presence just like we crave for a sandwich or an ice-cream and once this "craving" feeling is gone, our feeling vanishes as well.
In consequence, I cannot help but wonder "what makes people stick to each other,die for each other?"
The truth is I cannot know,since I'm neither a scientist nor a philosopher (at least a dignified one). I have loved, I have loved and lost with all kinds of love in the available spectrum of loving feelings. Family, friends, boyfriend, pets, other people's pets, lessons etc...And each time I believed that this love was going to last forever and each time I was convinced,beyond any doubt, that I made the right choice.
The funny thing is that once the object of my affection was removed from my life, I mourned for a short time and continued living my life as if nothing had happened with the only proof of my adventure a slight pinch of pain in my heart.
Here I am now, loving passionately a man and my family and some dear friends and my studies...but having,keeping all these in my life is, I'm afraid, impossible since their geography is incompatible with each other.
Which brings me to my main question....how do you choose one love over another?
For me it's obvious! I'll keep studying,I'll visit my scattered friends, spend as much time as I can with my family and I'll marry the man....
Now I am confused regarding the order I have to perform these remedies to my incompatible loves!
At the peak of my frustration it comes to me...how easy would it be to leave everything behind and continue pursuing new loves in my life that will take the place of my current ones????
And then again I realise that I am attached to them...I cannot let go...I would be devastated....because we can easily substitute a love that has abandoned us but not an existing and alive love that we hold in our hands,that is within our reach. When you truly love someone or something you simply cannot let go!
In addition you put more and more effort in order to keep it near you for a longer time....sometimes this effort hurts,some other times you don't even comprehend the effort you've put but at all times it wears you out.....
I can understand how trivial my thought and problems look to you, but these are not problems. In fact these small "brain" battles is what's keeping me alive and well because without them I'd be lost,I'd be leading a tasteless life.
Love is what makes us acknowledge our existence, love is what supports us in our lives (especially when we are loved in return), nothing more and nothing less. But it is a pretty important deal,don't you think?