To Muzaffer Alkan....

It's 11th of August and a few hours ago I said "goodbye" to the man in my life...
When he came to Greece 9 days ago, I was still angry at him for a million reasons and I spent the first days in a bad mood holding a cold attitude against him...but during this time while talking and drinking and eating and drinking,we got to talk. I don't mean the casual talk between a couple about where we will go tomorrow and who will pay the bills and who will wash the dishes.I mean the kind of talk of who we are and what made us this way and,of course,what do we think about ourselves.
He did shock me many many times,especially when he argued that he is almost perfect ( I don't believe that there is any perfection in humans just constant evolution and improvement) and I was wondering at the beginning why and how could he be so narrow-minded and not realize how much better he could become. Until...someone told me to listen not only to the things told but to the things untold just as carefully as the first ones...and what my darling was trying to tell me without words was that he has no hope, he is too much tied to obligations and fears and "shoulds". I realized how much he has changed during these years that we've been together and how much worried he is about the future.Exactly like he cannot understand the things that make me fly,I cannot understand the things that tie him down.I was lost in my own world and not listening or trying to understand with both my mind and my heart.
He has no one to support him both financially and psychologically, people keep thinking about him that he is old anymore (at the age of 28???!!!) and that he needs to build his life around a family,he cannot afford to waste time on studies and homework and that for the society he lives in,his job is totally acceptable and suitable for him. All these things made him turn to another direction of thinking and planning and to a limited way of life.
I was wrong to blame him...I should have blamed his friends,his family and his environment.Now,I only blame his sloth and his weakness to feel that he could make a huge difference in his life.
He proved to be a very practical person (on the contrary of my purely theoretical mind)...he experiences and he understands...he feels and he sympathizes...it's as simple as that.
I am the exact opposite...I feel like a teenager (at the age of 29???!!!) and I am sure that the world can expect great things from me!!!!! Not at all Harry Potter great or Albert Einstein great but still I want success and recognition beyond the medium rates.... so where does family fit into my plans???-the family he desperately wants to have- I have no idea, I don't feel completely ready for such a thing. I don't need examples to imagine a situation and I have a family ready to support me every step of the way and friends that keep telling me that I can achieve a lot in my life and sometimes I focus on these potential achievements and not on anything else.
How will we compromise that?...I have no idea, no plans, nothing at all....but I do know that being the opposite of your significant other is not such a bad thing...I may sometimes end up in fights that remind a bit of a tsunami but it nevertheless brings a small balance to our personality...I go down,he goes up...in ambition,I mean.
The strength that we both have -finally a common point- helps us a lot...but most of all the feelings we share for each other. It's not like I love me,you love me-what a coincidence!!! and not the kind of love one can see in romantic movies that when they kiss violins fill up the atmosphere.
It's a feeling of love with respect and reason,it's a conclusion of understanding and logic,it's commitment and help each other and trust each other kind of love. (It sounds perfect,I know but it took us long time and endless heartbreaks to get here and we are not 100% there but we are working on it.) This is the ending we would like to have,at least.
We had a medium holiday but a wonderful time with each other!
And the reason that I am writing all these things is because he asked me to...he asked me to put online something for him and I promised him I will. I want my blog to say out loud that I enjoyed spending time with my darling, And that I'll miss him and that I understand him a bit. ( I am trying for more,I expect the same treatment)
Bye bye sweetie! Kiss....