my farewell...part I....getting ready

I have known all along that the school year 2008-09 would be my last one as an Istanbul resident..the months passed and here I am going through May starting a countdown until the Big Day....
While standing in my living room having a nervous breakdown because of the endless things I'll have to pack, I come across a photo from my first job here in Doga College. Me smiling hugging a bunch of 6-year-olds from the 1st grade. And I am smiling again this time with a hint of nostalgy. I leave the cartons and bags as they are,they aren't going to go anywhere anyway, running through my calender, 17th of February 2005 20:00 pm....
Two girls are standing on the train platform...
around them there are 6 huge suitcases,one large carton box, two parents are standing there and two boys are trying to carry the suitcases and the cartons on the train, the train whistles and the time of goodbye has come...
I have been excited all the way until now. I got a good job in Istanbul, I found good opportunities for a master's degree, I was madly in love and my love was waiting to pick me up from my arriving point, the Sirkeci trainstation,Istanbul.
I don't know why,actually, but after the whistle I started feeling lost and afraid. My mother was definitely ready to cry,my friend Foteini was complaining about the sleeping hours she missed because of our club hopping last night and my father was trying to put a bunch of euro banknotes in my hand "just in case". I am ready to go!!!!!
My logic, that little voice in the back of my head-I hate it,by the way!!- was telling me,"you don't speak Turkish,you don't know anything about the country,you have seen your boyfriend 5-6 times until now and he will be joining the army soon..ARE YOU NUTS?" Ignoring the voice, I got on the train and started waving goodbye with a smile...bye bye..I'm not afraid,I'm happy....
During the 16-hour-ride I smoked 1 packet of cigarettes, drank 4-5 cups of bad quality coffee and refused to look out of the window by pretending that I was reading a very interesting book...Bullshit! the book was boring as hell....and I was nervous...I felt a whole lot better when I arrived in Istanbul and saw Muzaffer waiting for me...despite all his efforts, I spent my first night crying, not out of an emotional outburst but mostly because I had too many coffees...
Time went by, in fact it flew by, he went to the army, I started adoring my students and after a lot of exploring the city, I started feeling like home....I learnt the language, I made exceptional friends, I fell head over heels for this city.
It's strange how the human mind works...I cannot quite remember the worst of times among this pile of cartons and bags,only happy memories come to my mind. The happier the memories are, I cannot help but wonder how the scene of this upcoming goodbye will look like...
I look around me again,trying to convince myself that I made my decision and that just like there were reasons for my coming here,there are equally strong reasons for my going away. That little voice in my head started talking annoyingly again and it is talking for days now, I am not sure how I am going to shut it up this time. 4 years have passed...4 years!!!!!! a newborn child would be ready to go to school by now!!!!!!!
The sun is shining sheding light through my closed curtains making the little grains of dust on my TV dancing and then I hear the muslim prayer filling up the room coming from all directions....I put down my head, nod to the little voice -you have too many things to do and not enough time- and I go on packing...with a hint of smile and a hint of tear running down my left cheek.
The time for the last goodbye is not here yet...not just yet....